Life Lessons - Fifth Grade

Mrs. Gardner taught math class.  Naturally, I was doing quite well with my grades.  I felt like I could do this stuff in my sleep, so boredom started to creep in.  One day I decided that reading a Sports Illustrated for Kids magazine was a better use of my time than paying attention. I discreetly lifted up my math book and put the magazine behind it.  I know, how clever of me.  So the class progresses with no issues until Tim Claxton decides to tattle on me.  Now, I was generally a good kid who behaved himself in class, so I turned ghostly white at the thought of what potential trouble I was in.  Instead, what happened next was the deliverance of perhaps the single greatest line ever uttered by a teacher.  Sounding clearly annoyed that someone would interrupt her teaching for this, Mrs. Gardner addressed Tim, “If your grades were as good as his are, you could do that too.  Now pay attention and stop worrying about him.”  My jaw just dropped.  Not only was I home free, I was essentially given carte blanche to read what I saw fit during class.  I had to restrain the grin that started to grow on my face because she was basically advertising my brilliance to the rest of the class.  The icing on the cake was that my accuser was put in his place, called out for all the class to see.  Out of respect to Mrs. Gardner’s backing, I put the magazine away…until the next day.  This taught me that sometimes the ends do justify the means.  I wasn’t disturbing anyone else’s learning; I was doing the work and receiving high marks.  As long I produced the results, why should my methods be questioned?  I almost developed a false air of invincibility in the classroom after this.  Of course, I’d later get my comeuppance. (Did I just do some foreshadowing there?)  Oh yeah, I also learned that Mrs. Gardner was one extremely cool old lady.

Dad's Retirement

I’d just like to take a moment to recognize my dad on his upcoming retirement at the end of the month.  Over 30 years with the same company.  That’s a hard number for someone like me to fathom, especially when you consider the average person in my generation will work 4 or 5 jobs.  There are plenty of people at Kraft who would be more than willing to step up and talk about his accomplishments.  There are probably even more people who will tell you about his character and how much they respect him.  The impact he has made and will leave behind him at Kraft is clear.  However, it’s the career achievements that never happened which are most important to me.  Given my dad’s education, aptitude and work ethic, I have no doubt that he could have climbed the corporate ladder as far as he wanted.  I sincerely mean that.  Early on in his professional career though, he made the decision that family would come first.  This meant he was always there to coach our soccer teams or help us with our school work.  The list would go on and on.  For all that, dad, I will be eternally grateful.  I think I speak for both my brother and sister when I say that it was the right decision.  Despite his commitment to family, he still gave his job the attention it deserved, and then some.  As his work responsibilities grew, so did his investment of time to the company.  Believe me, he was entrusted with some extremely difficult tasks and he owned them all.  Kraft knew it would take someone like him to right the ship in places it was off course.  Those in the family know about the long 14 hour days, which were far too often the norm and not the exception.  We know about the crazy hours he’d have to keep just so he could meet with 3^rd shift.  Frankly, I still don’t know how he found the time and energy to do everything he does.  Well, fortunately, that time is going to be a lot more abundant now.  I’m sure he’ll just fill it with something new though and the next chapters of his life will be just as impressive as the ones already written.  I hope he just takes some time to step back and relax.  I hope he can reflect on all that he’s accomplished and is damn proud of it; we all are.  He has shown us how to be a great professional and father.  I know I’ve still got a lot to learn about life, but if I end up being half the man my dad is when it’s all said and done, I’ll know I have done alright.  Here’s to a well deserved retirement.  Congratulations, Dad!

Life Lessons - Fourth Grade

We often like to compare ourselves to others as a measuring stick.  It’s only logical because it’s difficult to assess one’s own abilities and situations in a vacuum.  Sometimes these comparisons provide us with the validation we need to explain our sense of pride over a good outcome or our feeling of acceptance over a bad one.  Or so I thought.  Good grades weren’t just appreciated in my family, they were expected.  For the most part, I was able to deliver.  There was a particular science (always my least favorite subject) test this year where I scored very poorly; I'm pretty certain it was a 'D’.  I was somewhat pacified by the fact that over half the class failed this test.  So I was still better than half the class.  Surely that had to count for something, right?  My mom would hear none of it.  “But moooommmm, over half the class failed.”  “I don’t care about the other kids, I care about you...[more rambling about not following other kids if they jumped off a bridge]”  She understood that merely besting my classmates did not directly correlate to a successful academic career.  Good is good because it’s good not because it’s better than not good. (Feeling a little dumber after reading that sentence? You could read it again slowly but I’d recommend just moving on.)  It’s like playing golf; you’re really playing the course and not your riding partner.  If you shoot 40 over to his 50 over, do you really walk away feeling good about yourself?  (I might but I really suck at golf.)  I can’t say I don’t make those types of comparisons anymore.  Life is one big scoreboard and we always want to see where our name falls on it.  But I learned not to let anyone else’s failures be the justification for my own.  You can also be sure I never tried that argument again after a bad grade…that is, unless I had nothing else to go to. J

Life Lessons - Third Grade

I always considered myself a fairly intelligent kid, but I had my doubts until 3^rd grade.  Our school had what they called the “gifted program”.  Its members were children that demonstrated an aptitude to handle the regular school work with relative ease.  Accordingly, the school must have believed these kids were at heightened risk of being unchallenged and bored.  Those in the gifted program were taken away for an hour every day to do god knows what.  For all we knew, it could have been an extra hour of recess as reward for their exceptional talents.  I was acutely aware of this program’s existence and that I wasn’t a part of it while in 2^nd grade.  I even felt a little jealousy over my exclusion.  I got good grades and there were even times I couldn’t fathom why some of my fellow classmates were unable to solve the problems laid before us.  Really?  Do we have to go through this again?  What did these gifted kids have that I didn’t?  I reached the conclusion that I wasn’t really the genius I thought I was… Then one day the teacher pulled me aside and told me I was getting called up to the show.  Instant joy and excitement ensued.  I was going to the land of Oz to see the man behind the curtain.  The gifted program never did quite live up to my lofty expectations, but that’s not really important here.  However, one of the things we learned about during my 1^st year in the program was this ancient civilization called the Mayans.  They had this calendar that supposedly abruptly stopped in the year 2012, signaling an apocalyptic end to the world.  If the world was truly going to end in 2012, I didn’t see the need to make any major life decisions until I knew there would be an actual lifetime to see them through.  I can’t honestly sit here and tell you that my current 30/35/40 plan (which is worthy of a blog all on its own) resulted from my exposure to the Mayan calendar.  I’m also fully convinced that we’ll all still be here when the calendar flips to 2013.  Still, is it not somewhat curious that I turn, you guessed it, 30, in the year following 2012?  I guess you could say being “gifted” made me the great procrastinator I am today.  That reminds me, I should start working on my post-30 excuse to defer adulthood… Eh, there’s always tomorrow.

Life Lessons - Second Grade

My grade was always split into 3 classes throughout elementary school. There was this one time we were packed like sardines into 1 classroom to watch a movie. Mrs. Keith was a pleasantly plump woman. While weaving her way through a row of seated students, her rump collided with Tim Nevinger’s head, nearly knocking him out of his chair. I was sitting behind Tim, so it easily could have been me. Once I got over the initial relief of literally not being a butthead, I couldn’t stop laughing. Actually, there was very little external laughing; I was able to restrain myself and focus on the movie. But the internal laughter? It just wouldn’t stop. I couldn’t get that picture out of my head and it always threatened to spur a giggle loop. This seems like an appropriate time to endorse the British sitcom “Coupling”. It’s worth some of your time. 

Anyway, I decided it would be a good idea to pay tribute to Mrs. Keith’s butt (I probably should have chose my words better, but this typewriter is unforgiving) by re-enacting the scene with my brother.  Next time I saw an opportunity, I took it.  Eventually this form of combat found a home in the brotherly wars.  Well that’s pretty lame you must be thinking.  Ah, but I haven’t told you the best part.  When you launch your backside into someone, you must cry out, “Boom! Mrs. Keith!”  I’m not above admitting that sometimes to this day I’ll even engage in this juvenile activity, and I NEVER forget to say the words.  Wait, what life lesson could you possibly have learned from this ordeal?  Second grade had no discernible impact on my life.  However, the self-imposed rules of this blog mini-series dictate that I cover each grade.  I gave you a story instead.  Sue me.  But I’m reading a “lessons learned” blog expecting a pearl of wisdom I can take away and apply to my own life.  Hey, this is about me and not you.  Stop reading nonsense like this and see a shrink.  There, you’ve just been educated.