Back To Normal

This entry is from several years ago.   It's amazing how my overall assessment of the situation is largely the same now as it was in the immediate aftermath. I'd like to say I've made some strides since then but...

Things are back to normal now. Let me expand on that statement with a quick recap. I went on a few dates with a girl but I wouldn’t say we were “going out.” We’re no longer dating. In order to protect her identity (and avoid damaging her social credibility beyond repair), the girl shall remain nameless. These are just some of my thoughts on the experience. There’s nothing in here I care if anybody reads so I’ll post it.

I was very curious when this all started because here was a girl that dared to go where none had gone before. Did she have a little Magellan in her or was she completely unaware of what we she was getting into? The little we did together put her right near the top as far as relationship experiences go. In reality, voluntarily hanging out with me a non-group setting would have done that.

I never really let her in, so it wasn’t that hard to let her go. My response when she broke the news was “Damn, that kinda sucks” (shrug). To be honest, I saw the writing on the wall a few weeks prior. I still liked hanging out with her, so I was willing to wait and see where it would go. I could have addressed the situation but what about me that you know suggests that was going to happen? Plus as the one being “dumped” I become the sympathetic figure. Anyway, I knew I was on borrowed time, so it was just a matter of time until she figured it out. Thankfully, that came before the holidays. I breathed a big sigh of relief because the pressure was off. I could return back to what I know and do best—being single that is.

In typical Younker fashion, one of my first thoughts after I realized what this meant was “I’m off the hook for buying any gifts. Sweet.” Does that make me a bad person? Part of me was kind of intrigued what would happen if Christmas (and her birthday) passed without any gifts from me. I hadn’t decided if I would actually follow through on that plan but man I wanted to. Since we’d only been on a couple dates and it certainly wasn’t serious, I thought there was chance I could play it off with that angle. That’s one Younker policy that’s not gonna get some field testing yet (dang). (Note: I hope to divulge the policies in a full-length novel at a later date but I’m always willing to discuss if asked).

The girl tried to break the news as gracefully as possible, and I appreciated the effort as unnecessary as it was. She gave me several compliments and tried to take shots at herself. All the while I’m thinking “This girl is making this way harder than it has to be.” I did get the “It’s not you, it’s me”, which just made me roll my eyes. She didn’t really just use that line, did she? If you know the George Strait song “Easy Come, Easy Go,” that’s how I walk away from this situation. No regrets, no hard feelings toward her. She should do the same. I’ve concluded that I’m an easy person to break up with. Yes, I have no problem bestowing that quality upon myself after one breakup.

I tried to tell her she’s probably making the right decision though. As I told her, I’ve come to grips with the fact I’m not really boyfriend material (these policies are well-crafted and can’t be so casually tossed aside). Part of me actually believed it too. Asking a girl to be down with my policies is expecting too much I fear. I wouldn’t want to place that burden on anyone. Furthermore, I simply don’t possess the relationship experience most guys my age would. I don’t know how to play the boyfriend. To ask someone to wait while I “catch up” is also a tough thing to ask. It’s kind of a catch-22 at this point though. How do you learn the necessary life experiences without being that anchor to someone?

Keep in mind that this girl doesn’t really know my policies, so that can’t have been a direct cause of the failed relationship. Now what I did (or didn’t) do was a by-product of the prevailing attitude following such policies breeds. So the connection could still be made. I hinted at the presence of some dating policies or philosophies but refused to comment in detail. Maybe she’ll be privy to them later when I defend them in front of a group….or when my book hits shelves. I did have fun bantering with Tom and defending the policies while we were still dating. He couldn’t believe I hadn’t fucked it up yet. He he, it was a good run.

I felt a little snakebit when we were still dating. Winter decided to give me just another reason to hate it. It seemed like every time we were supposed to hang out, the weather just wouldn’t cooperate. I’ve finally got someone to see and the chances of one of us ending up in a ditch if we went out….OK, I’ll just leave it at that. Maybe all this weather resistance was a sign, and part of me believes she took it that way. The last such instance was the Saturday before we ended it. Her best friend was visiting from out of town and a group was supposed to hang out. I knew this was make-or-break time because without the best friend’s seal of approval, we all know you’re dead in the water. Anyway, the weather sucked and I told her I wasn’t coming. It was the logical play. I think part of my problem is I always try to apply logic where it has no business (that is THE founding principle behind the policies by the way). The roads are terrible and we’re going out drinking? Anyone see a flaw there? Furthermore, I’ve got work at 7 AM the next morning and, as of 8:30 that night, no official plans were formed. Nonetheless, the group still went out and whether that affected her decision will perhaps always be a mystery.

Going forward, it was she who suggested we still be friends. I was glad to hear it and said I’d be all for it. I don’t think we passed that point where doing so would be awkward. Now whether she really means it or was merely playing diplomat-only time will tell. It was left open where either could call the other. Ha! Anyone who knows me knows that’s a call I won’t be making. Anyone who doesn’t needs to reread portions of this. It’s not because I wasn’t serious about friendship. I don’t call well….anybody. That’s not how I roll. So she’ll probably get the wrong idea, but if she calls, I’ll make the attempt. The beauty of it now is that I can be selective and avoid the function if I don’t care for the crowd or venue. I’m kinda selfish in that regard, I must admit.

I’m not sure what made me make that first call for a date. It’s so unlike me, you know manning up and all. I think I approached the relationship hoping to gain a new friend. At this stage in my life, I’m convinced I also need more friends who are female just as much as a girlfriend. So in retrospect, that probably wasn’t too fair to her. I don’t know that if my expectations were higher that my actions would have changed. I’m about as low maintenance as possible. I also truthfully told her afterwards I’ve never been accused of caring too much. So, maybe I got what I was looking for in the end. I hope she’s sincere about the friends thing because she is cool and I do enjoy spending time with her.

Follow-up:  This girl and I still exchange messages occasionally but it's been a while since we've hung out.  I'd consider her more of an acquaintance at this point.