Dealing With Patty & Selma

My driver’s license needed to be renewed so I grudgingly went to the Bradley DMV a couple weeks ago. That particular DMV is relatively small and the workers have a noted reputation of being grouchy.  I think the latter probably stems from the former because they’re ALWAYS busy.  Seriously, is anybody ever happy there?  Your energy level drains as soon as you walk through the door.  Unless you need a simple sticker renewal, you just know it’s at least a half hour of your life that you’re never going to get back. 

I was spoiled by the last time my license came up for renewal.  Thanks to my squeaky clean driving record, I was able to renew my license without leaving the house; they send you a sticker to affix to the back of your license.  I initially enjoyed what this meant.  I’m generally averse to change so it meant I could show my yellowing, faded license and high school mug to every bouncer and beer-dispensing barkeep or waitress I came across.  Recently, however, my annoyance with the license outgrew its nostalgic value.  Apparently the sticker extension concept was a foreign one to many of these same bouncers, barkeeps, and waitresses.  I eventually got in the habit of automatically adding “flip it over” when handing my license to these people for review.  Side note: now 30, it’s becoming more of a compliment and less of an insult that people don’t believe I’m 21.  Perhaps I will age gracefully.  

Anyway, I was ready for a new license so I was almost relieved when I was required to visit a DMV in person and take a vision test. I chose the Bradley location strictly from a convenience standpoint.  At least I was sure to come across some interesting characters.  As I sat doing my crossword next to some guy in an oversized cowboy hat, I couldn’t help but overhear the conversation between the DMV employee and the woman taking a vision test – presumably the same test I would be subject to.  Actually, I only heard one side one of it.  Just insert some indiscernible mumbling for the half I didn’t hear.

Employee: (mildly annoyed) Ma’am, I’m going to need you to speak up.

Employee: (more annoyed) There’s no E on that line.

Employee: (sounding quite angry) Which line are you reading? Please read line 5!

Employee: (now just exasperated) OK, we’re done here.  Ma’am, you will not be allowed to drive at night or within a half hour of dawn and dusk.

If it wasn’t for the fact that she was a little older and English didn’t seem to be her first language, I would have been a little worried about the test.  I passed without a problem.  

As I’m waiting in yet another line to pay my renewal fee, I saw another elderly lady who appeared to be heading out for a road test.  While still waiting in the same line, the woman and the DMV employee return.  As I think to myself, “well that wasn’t very long”, I fear the worst for this woman’s chances of being allowed back on the road.  I don’t know how it turned out, but it didn’t seem favorable for the woman given the body language I observed from a distance.  I couldn’t dwell on her misfortune though.  I had to focus and make sure my new mug shot didn’t become a source of embarrassment over the next several years (thankfully it’s not).  Fun fact: over a decade later and the height/weight listed on my license didn’t need to change.  Until next time, Patty & Selma.