I Need To Work On My Lying

I was faced with a tough question recently and I’d like the court of public opinion to make a ruling on my response.  After bowling in my mixed league a couple weeks ago, I was asked by a female if I would ever date a woman with kids.  This wasn’t just a random person though; it was a team member.  If you’re familiar with my girl criteria, you know how I should have responded to that.  Of course, it’s one thing to type your true feelings in a faceless blog read by very few and another thing entirely to actually say it when the question is sprung on you, especially when you know the one asking the question has a couple kids of her own. 

Now I know this particular female wasn’t asking me specifically for a date.  The question must have been weighing on her mind though.   Are my children an impediment to dating?  Surely, some other dude must have used them as an excuse not to date her or as a convenient reason to end a relationship that had existed.  This was my cue to paint him as a solitary jerk and restore her faith in men everywhere.  Without the fear of any personal commitment, it should have been very easy to tell her what I’m sure she wanted to hear.  But my criteria!  It isn’t a list I casually compiled; I had definitely given it some thought.  Someone with a kid is on a whole other level of maturity than I am.  We’re just at very different points in our lives.  Moreover, one of the characteristics I want people to appreciate about me is my honesty.  Saying yes to her question would make me a hypocrite.  I had to make a split-second decision but I ultimately decided to just tell the truth.  I told her no and prayed there wasn’t a follow-up asking me to elaborate. 

Much to my relief, it did not put any strain on our friendship but I need to know if that was a dick move.  Is this one of those situations where a lie is actually the preferable response? And while I’m asking questions, let’s take even another step back.  Is my rule completely bogus or should I be entitled to make that a dating criterion of mine?  I know the obvious arguments you can make against the rule.  It’s possible I might be missing out on someone great for me.  It’s possible the kid would grow on me once I got to know him/her.  I don’t deny such possibilities exist.  I’m just trying to make the best possible decision based on what I know, or think I know, about myself.  I never said my logic was logical.

I get the feeling like I’m going to take a lot of flak for this, especially from the female community.  And yet, if I were to tell you that I also don’t want any part of dating a smoker, you’d say that’s perfectly within my right.  Maybe the difference is that it’s unfair to hold something against a person that they can’t change.  You can’t ditch your kid but you can kick that smoking habit with a little desire and fortitude.  Truthfully, I’m probably doing that person a favor by not getting involved.  People with kids deserve someone with a much bigger heart than mine.

Feel free to add your comments below, whatever your take may be.  Seriously, I’m willing to see the error of my ways.