The Hardest Question You'll Ever Answer

I recently organized an after-work outing and 8 people showed up.  That’s actually about twice as many as I had mentally prepared myself for.  I don’t know why I just opened with that statement; it really is extraneous information for the purposes of this story. 

At one point during the smashing success of my mixer, I felt myself slipping away from the discussion.  My inner child craved for some more attention, so I tried to switch the topic of conversation back to me.  I posed a question to all my fellow drinking co-workers.  Which of these is most likely to happen first?  I buy a house.  I get a girlfriend.  I leave Applied [current place of employment].

This truly was a thought-provoking question (at least I thought so).  Even I myself could not come to a decision on which scenario was most likely to play out first.  Gun to my head, I would choose… … BANG! I’m dead.  Others eventually settled on one of the choices and argued their position.  

Naturally, I don’t want this spirited debate to die at the Brickstone dinner table.  I would like to open the voting up to everyone who is fortunate enough to be reading this.  However, before you lock yourself into a premature vote, I’d like to be sure you have fully considered each option.  Therefore, I will be providing supporting arguments for and against each life-changing event happening next. 

I’D LIKE TO REQUEST THAT EVERYONE LEAVE A COMMENT WITH THEIR VOTE BELOW.  I encourage all voters to reference whichever argument swayed them to vote (or not vote) a certain way.  Additionally, if you choose to ignore all of my beautifully articulated points and come to a conclusion on your own, I would love to know your reasoning.  It’s not likely but I may have overlooked something glaring.

Arguments for Buying a House

Vegas odds makers would likely make this the slight favorite.  The general consensus at the table seemed to favor this option too.  I certainly have the financial means to make this option happen.   I am also more confident in my ability to handle the problems that could potentially arise from owning a home.  There can only be so many ways to fix a leaky pipe or crack in the ceiling.  You never know what kind of crazy is awaiting you with a woman or how demanding your new boss will be.  Money is often a necessary component of owning a home and being in a relationship.  You can feel relatively certain (assuming you employ a competent laborer) that spending money on your house will improve the value of your investment.  That same level of assurance does not transfer to women.  We cannot overlook the social stigma of a 30-year old still living at home.  I guess I’m the poster child for someone who was coddled and cannot function on his own, right?  There is a certain twinge of embarrassment that stabs at me every time I have to relay my living situation to someone I’ve just met or some old friends of my parents that I haven’t seen in a while.  I usually just hope that muttering “Peotone” when asked where I live will be sufficient for their inquisition.  It probably goes without saying that bringing someone back to my parent’s house to hang out (buddy or girlfriend) is a less than ideal setup.  You’d think this bevy of reasons would spur me to go get that house.  It is worth noting that I have talked more about buying a house more than I have about doing the other two options.  Sub-consciously, that is where my focus resides.

Arguments against Buying a House

Simply put, have you seen where I live?  It’s nice and quiet in the country (see: away from people) but still easily accessible to major roadways for travel.  There is an in-ground pool and spa.  I have internet, high-definition satellite TV, and (usually, even if I have to grill it) a dinner waiting to be consumed.  Heck, I even get my laundry done for me.  Did I mention that all of it - room and board, utilities, food - is free?  All that I need to do is help out with chores around the house (which I'd still be doing on my own anyway).  Seems like a small price to pay.  I’m going to get my ass kicked out after my parents find out about this, aren’t I?  I know people are just humoring me but I often receive exclamations of jealousy when explaining my living situation to them.  They’d “totally still be doing it if they could” and tell me "I'd be crazy to ever leave with that set up".  I get along with everyone in my family.  It’s not like I have a girlfriend so my privacy need is pretty low.  Given all of this, would you leave?  I also get a little smile whenever I view my savings account balance.  A down payment and mortgage would undoubtedly threaten that smile.  I’ve also talked about getting a house off & on for years now, so at what point do you think I’m just crying wolf?

Arguments for Getting a Girlfriend

This option did get a little support so it’s certainly worthy of your vote as well.  Women are the least risky long-term option.  As a finance major, assessing risk is ingrained in the way I think.  In relationships, you can pull out at almost any time without any lingering effects.  (I briefly considered changing those words after I read them back to myself because I did not intend for that to be a sexual pun at all.  Actually, maybe you weren’t even thinking along those lines.  Well, now you are, and for that, I apologize for possibly inadvertently offending you.)  Depending on the seriousness of the relationship, you may have a broken heart to tend to.  But it will mend over time.  If you get in over your head with a house, the consequences are even less pleasant.  Your financial security could be in serious jeopardy.  Even changing jobs can have long-lasting effects.  The next girlfriend probably won’t hold your past relationship transgressions against you, if she even knows about them.  A wrong job selection can set your career back years, and your history is in full view to the next potential employer on your resume.  It’s a bit of the “chicken or egg” paradox, but adding a girlfriend into my life might be what actually motivates me to buy a house.  At this point in my life, I can’t be wasting too much time on someone who isn’t “the one”.  Actually, I can’t be wasting too much time period.  I’m fighting a losing battle against Father Time.  If we accept the premise that I’m looking for someone to eventually marry (and maybe have kids with), then I really need to accelerate my timeline.  You’d have to think that basic instinct would kick in and shock me to my senses.  Plus, I think there is some latent confidence bubbling inside me.  While getting ready for a wedding a couple weeks ago, I couldn't help but notice myself in the mirror.  You clean up pretty good, Dave.  A girl could do worse.

Arguments against Getting a Girlfriend

I wonder how anyone who knows me or has read this blog can legitimately think this option has a chance.  While buying a house or getting a new job is just something I would have to do, I think getting a girlfriend will require a fundamental shift in the way my mind works.  “We accept the love we think we deserve.”  That isn’t one of my pearls of wisdom; it’s from The Perks of Being a Wallflower, which I read and watched recently.  I think the line is poignantly perfect in this argument.  In the book, as in life, that counsel is used to explain why people settle for inferior partners and self-perceived nice guys are doomed to sit helplessly on the sidelines while the jerks get the girls.  I may have thought that way in the past but I think it applies to me for a different reason these days.  I’ve grown increasingly accustomed to my relationship status.  It’s all I’ve ever really known.  I figure that’s just how it’s going to be.  Sure, there has been a random date here or there but never anything serious.  You’d be surprised how much easier it gets to accept with each passing day.  Yeah, yeah, I know the onus is on me to initiate change.  Theoretically, this should be the easiest of the 3 changes to execute.  I just fear I’ve gotten past the point of no return.  I don’t want a girlfriend; I want to want a girlfriend.  That is a whole other problem onto itself that really needs to be solved first.  There is also the fact that I am really selfish.  It takes a certain level of narcissism to dedicate (and name) a blog about yourself and expect others to read it.  I even get tired of hanging out with my best friends after a couple consecutive days of activities.  Interacting with someone almost exclusively?  The thought frightens me a little. I just don’t know if I’m capable of loving someone else as much as I love myself.  No one has ever really tried to call my bluff either.  When someone asks me about a girl and I tell them that I wouldn’t subject her to me, that isn’t entirely lip service.  I don’t want someone to give me their heart when they are only going to get half of one back.  We accept the love we think we deserve.

Arguments for Leaving Applied

This is a bet for those who prefer chasing dark-horse options.  I only tossed it out there because everybody loves a third-party candidate who gives them something to at least think about.  While houses and girls have filled past blog submissions and littered conversations with semi-interested parties, the subject of work has often flown under the radar.  I think that is precisely why it deserves your consideration.  There has not been any pressure to leave my job.  It’s often when you are not focused on something that the best opportunities present themselves to you.  If you subscribe to the belief that one of these events is a prerequisite for the others, getting a new job could be the first domino that needs to fall.  I’ve talked about my hesitation to pursue a girlfriend without my own bachelor pad.  Well, I’d be much more inclined to take on that sizable home purchase if I was earning even more money.  Let’s even take away the goal of home ownership.  It sure would be nice to be making more money.  I feel like a man of my intelligence and abilities should be earning more and I know I could get that elsewhere.  It’s also annoying listening to people with inferior talent discuss their bigger salary.  If you are still not convinced of this option, then perhaps you are a student of history.  You see, this option has actually happened already which is more than I can say for the other two.  I’ve changed jobs once in my adult life (and most people make several such changes).  Why not again?

Arguments against Leaving Applied

Dark-horse options are often exactly that for a reason.  Not surprisingly, leaving Applied did not receive much support during the initial discussions.  I’ve complained far less about my job than the other two options, so it would stand to reason that this facet of my life is the least likely to change any time soon.  Truthfully, I do enjoy where I work.  Sure, I wish the pay was more, but the benefits and 401k match are pretty good.  I’ve maintained a working relationship with my co-workers and supervisor.  It is also close to where I currently live and that’s a hidden cost I do not have to bear.  I would gladly sacrifice a little salary for the convenience of working this far south of the city.  In the grand scheme of things, your time and stress-level are more important than money anyway.  I do not like change.  Once I find something that works, I generally stick with it.  The grass isn’t always greener on the other side.

P.S. I was going to include “death” as a 4^th option but that would have killed the entire debate.